Girls just love to flirt don't they? And cyberspace has opened up a whole new world (literally) for us. The following are a few tips to help you on your way to successful cyber flirting.

WHO ARE YOU?
On the net, we can be anybody we want to be and it's all too easy to fall into a habit of being somebody we're not. If your intention is a quick flirt with somebody you'll never speak to again, what the heck. But what happens if you meet somebody, and find that you generally feel attracted to him as a person? Do you tell him what you're really like, even though you've spun a yarn long enough to knit a jumper from? If there's going to be any chance of a relationship, you're going to have to. It might well have been easier to have stuck to the truth to start with.

THE TRUTH
OK, so you've decided to not put on too much of a false face on the net, but how much of the truth should you tell? Remember that people with a bit of net know-how can find out quite a bit about you. One of the easiest things to find out is which Internet Provider you log onto the net through. A give-away if you've said you live in Ontario and you log on through Freeserve UK. But while it's OK to say that you're in the UK, it's not a good idea to say which town. Your first name is fine, don't give out your surname. Just as you can pretend to be whoever you want to be, so can everybody else. Do you really know who you're talking to and what their intentions are? Don't make it easy to be found.

SO WHO IS HE?
Right, you've got as far as finding yourself attracted to a guy on the net. But do you really know anything about him? He's said he's 39, divorced, has 2 kids, is tall, blond and enjoys driving fast cars and going to the theatre. How can you know for sure that he's not 46, married, 2 kids, 5'4", drives a Ford Fiesta and spends most of his time either in front of the PC or down the local watering hole with his mates? ASK! "Oh yeah," you may well think "he's likely to say "yes Sally, I've been lying to you all along". Of course he isn't. It's a matter of asking the right questions. Here's a few you could try on the bloke described here.

Obviously, these questions won't work for everyone. You have to be imaginative and find the right questions to suit the person and what he's told you. But whatever you do, DON'T BE GULLIBLE. Sometimes when we're infatuated by a bloke, we'll push aside ideas that they are lying simply because we want to believe them. It's daft, and many a fine woman has burnt herself in this way before. Listen to your inner voice. If something doesn't seem right, try to find out why.

WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?
Getting to know men on the net seems to be a lot easier than in the "real world". Chat rooms are brimming over with them, and more often than not, when you log on with a female name, they'll be all over you. Be wary of those who want to go into private chat with you as soon as you come on. What do they want to talk about that can't be said in an open chat room? Signing up for e-friends can also give results. You probably won't meet as many men that way, but the one's you do meet might well be more sincere because they actually have to take the trouble to contact you, and write a "letter" first. They probably wouldn't bother if they were just out for a quick flirt. However, if you're specifically looking for a romantic relationship, then contact sites are probably a better alternative as they're specifically designed for this. As with email, sign up yourself, and let them contact you. If you're not interested in just writing steamy mails, then you'd better make that clear in your ad or you'll find your mailbox more popular that you want.

GOING ALL THE WAY
It's a bit of a joke really, to say that you can go all the way in Cyberspace, but the general meaning is that if your words bring him off, then you've gone all the way with him. Do you want to? If you find it exciting and a quick thrill is all you want, fine, but on the net as in real life, blokes who are looking for a relationship don't really want an easy lay. You may not think that writing about sex is being cheap, but when there isn't really any way to go further. You've given him what he CAN get, and that can well mean the same to him as opening your legs. If you do decide to go all the way, remember that with only words to seduce with, you'll have to work at remaining erotic, rather than pornographic, if you don't want to come across as cheap. There's a world of difference in the following:

-      I can almost feel how it would be to have your hands, trembling slightly with excitement, slide across my naked breast, gently brushing at my stiffening nipple and it passes, my body aching for more. I can feel your hot breath against my skin, I know that you want me.

-      Imagine squeezing my big round tits, pulling at my rock hard nipples while you're throbbing cock is pushed against me, just waiting for the chance to thrust your...... (and the rest is up to your imagination ladies).

You see the difference though don't you? Your choice of words sets the mood, and if you want a guy who's sensual and respondent to your needs, that's the mood you'll need to set.

THE ART OF EROTICA
Because there is no body language, and, of course, no body contact, your words must paint pictures for him. Give them something "visual" to focus on. A women is most likely to want descriptions of sensations, but men, who are visual creatures (that's why more men turn on to pornography than women), want descriptions of actions. Bring his senses to life. Sight, sound and touch are all important. Describe actions which involve these. Here's another example:

"I slowly unbutton my silk blouse, allowing you a glimpse of one tight, pink nipple. I can feel your throbbing desire as I push my body closer to you, my hands caressing your shoulders and neck, looking deep into your eyes. I slowly lick my lips before whispering, "Touch me". Your hand eagerly finds it's way under the smooth material, gently squeezing my heaving breast, one finger teasing my nipple. I want your taut, hard body close to me."

This example plays on the senses. The sight on a tight nipple, the feel of your hands caressing him, the sound of your voice, and the feel of your breast. And, equally as important, you're telling him how much you want him.

But just as in "real life", one person's ideas of good sex, may be a turnoff for another. Try to get an idea of what he likes before you go in too far. You may not even be compatible.

MEETING HIM
Going back to where we started, ask yourself if you really want to meet this man? You may feel tingling in your stomach (or anywhere else for that matter) at the thought of chatting with him on the net, but what you have is little more than a fantasy. You've created part of this guy in your imagination. No matter how much you tell yourself that you know him - YOU DON'T! You know nothing at all about all those little mannerisms of his, some of which may prove to be bloody annoying. Do you like guys who are very graphic when they talk, waving their arms about and leaping out of the sofa to act it out? Or do you prefer a man who remains cool and controlled in all situations? Does it annoy you if a guy sniffs a lot? Or is constantly wiping the back of his hand across his mouth? Or picks his toenails in the living room? How much do you really know about him? If you want to meet him, by all means go ahead, but you must be willing to loose what you've got, and perhaps gain nothing.

SECURITY
One last note. Don't trust anybody you don't know well. If you do decide to meet him, follow these guidelines:

There are a lot of nice blokes out there, but there are at least as many creeps! It's just like the "real world". Good Luck!

(May 2000)

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